When we fall in love or talk about love, we tend to think that everything is in our heart. However, love is (solely and exclusively) a matter of our brains.
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What happens when we fall in love?
You've probably been in love at least once in your life and you know exactly what it's like to feel like that: a feeling of lightness, butterflies in your stomach, a constant desire to smile, etc. But what is it that really happens to you when you feel like that that, without being able to avoid it, you focus all your attention and energy on one person? Is it a rational decision? And what's worse, why do we sometimes realize after starting a relationship that the person we're with is not the same as the one we fell in love with?
The explanation for all these issues must be sought in the area of the brain related to rewards.
These are located in the limbic system, the part of our brain responsible for regulating physiological responses to certain stimuli. This is where human instincts are collected, such as:
- involuntary memory
- hunger
- attention
- sexual instincts
- emotions (sadness, pleasure, envy, fear, aggression, etc.)
- the personality
- The conduct
- etc.
The reward systems They are centers in the central nervous system regulated by neurotransmitters and allow us to develop learned behaviors depending on how we are responding to pleasant or unpleasant events.
The reward system is activated by pleasurable functions, including those that are necessary for life, such as sleeping, drinking water or eating. Of course, sex is also one of these functions.
When we have sex or eat a piece of our favorite cake, the limbic system's reward system is activated. releasing dopamine, more commonly known as the pleasure hormone.
Thus, When we fall in love, we release dopamine. This causes us to seek the achievement of a goal that is also necessary for life from a biological point of view: the couple. Curiously, when we fall in love, we also release cortisol, the hormone related to stress.
The fact that these two hormones are released simultaneously is what causes us to have that feeling of energy and happiness.
How does testosterone influence love?
As if that were not enough, the testosterone level increases in women in love while in men it decreases. This hormone, typically male, is closely related to the confidence we have in ourselves. When our Testosterone level increases, we feel more confident.
And why do those feelings change over time?
Over time we become ourselves again because the prefrontal cortex of the brain, that is, the rational part, takes control of our lives again.
In this way, over time, the levels of testosterone, dopamine and cortisol are regulated.
In conclusion, we could say that every state of being in love makes us go through a state of happiness and pleasure that, little by little, declines. When you fall in love, you are not the person you really are, nor is the other person when we fall into this state.
So we should consider not making any hasty decisions in those first few months until our situation stabilizes. testosterone, cortisol and dopamine levels.
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The role of testosterone and cortisol in attraction
A team of Dutch psychologists, sociologists and engineers set out to prove these theories in a experiment based on speed dating.
Experiment
For the research, the study was conducted on a speed dating event among a group of single heterosexual men and women. To check the changes that occurred on the hormonal level during the development of the dates, the researchers They measured the concentration of cortisol and testosterone in saliva of all participants in different situations:
- when they were getting ready to meet a potential partner
- or when they were getting ready to meet a potential friend
The results showed that women's testosterone levels, but not those of men's, increased when they were in the position of meeting a potential partner.
In contrast, cortisol levels decreased in men and women equally.
Findings of the experiment
In their published study, the researchers discuss four important findings:
- The men who came to the speed dating event and presented a higher cortisol level, were the most popular, romantically speaking.
- In both men and women, a greater change in cortisol levels during romantic dates was associated with a more severe selection criterion.
- Testosterone alone could not be related to any romantic speed dating outcomes (selectivity or popularity).
- However, women who attended the speed dating event with higher testosterone levels, were more selective when their anticipatory cortisol response was low.
Overall, these findings suggest that The hormone cortisol may actually have more to do with a partner's immediate attraction than that of testosterone.
Love in men and its scientific basis
La Dr. Hellen Fisher, To study brain operations when people are looking for a partner, he divided the chemical and biological processes that occur in men and women into three groups:
- Little or zero sexual desire.: She concluded that men respond very quickly to stimuli, and feel strongly motivated to approach their potential partners. It has been scientifically proven that the male brain has a greater number of brain structures intended for this type of relationship. With this data it could be concluded that men are polygamous, but certain indicators of the body suggest that the couple is a biological preference of the human being. In fact, the male testicles are small in proportion to their size, which means that "they do not have to compete with other males to fertilize a female." According to Dr. Fisher, "When sexual activity ends, men stop this brain program of reproduction, they stop thinking and get sleepy. Women, when sexual activity ends, start thinking again and what is called the nesting phase begins. After a sexual encounter, women begin to think about what comes next, while for men, it is over. After intercourse, they stop thinking."
- crush: It affects the reward system and the neurotransmitter that makes us develop addictions or achieve goals. Hellen Fisher also added: “On a biochemical level, men and women fall in love in the same way; phenylethylamine (FEA), dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin are released. But due to these differences in the connection of brain structures, men in love perceive their partner through tunnel vision. So, they fall in love more deeply than us, even if you don't believe it... and since they are so poorly educated to recognize feelings and share them, when their partner leaves them they suffer terribly. The falling in love program is even expensive because, in addition to releasing many neurotransmitters at the same time, the program impacts even the most complex areas of the brain, such as the prefrontal cortex, which is behind the forehead and is the most evolved and is exclusive to humans. This is the area that allows us to make value judgments. Because when we are in love we do things that in our right mind we would never do. Eventually, the infatuation program dies, and some men "kick off" the true love or attachment program.
- True love: This process is very complex and is built little by little because it involves neurotransmitters and mental maps. It involves the action of the hormones oxytocin (especially in women) and vasopressin (especially in men), but this program develops over the long term; you cannot even feel that attachment in a year.
Dr. Montemayor said that “These three are very primitive brain programs, but we are not only subject to them, we have the ability to discern and make decisions. For example, although we do not have a brain program to maintain a marriage, we have to develop strategies to be able to manage what you do if you fall in love again and you already have a partner: how much is it better for you to follow a new love program or to suspend it? Because people do not like their partner to have another partner at the same time. We like life as a couple.”
(Source: sumedico.com and tipsfemeninos.com)
Sources:
Hormones in speed-dating: The role of testosterone and cortisol in attraction, Leandervan der Meij, Andrew Demetriou, MarinaTuli, Ileana Méndez, PeterDekker, TilaPronk.
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